The Rules of Parenting

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Parenting can easily be considered as one of the most rewarding and challenging ventures with a whole gamut of unexpected occurrences that demand incredible amounts of patience and a quick wit. Barbara Johnson’s words are the perfect starting point when we talk about good parenting because they highlight one of the most remarkable elements which are non-negotiable in the world of parenting.

“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.” A world of meaning hidden underneath one simple line.
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We live in the age of quick fixes, and it’s a tempting proposition to satisfy a child’s needs immediately no matter how ridiculous the proposition is. Money can fix everything, they say. Well, not in the parenting world.

Abigail Van Buren sums it up beautifully, “ If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.”
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At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents. A child’s capacity to read between the lines is stunning, and he/she can easily comprehend a hurried goodbye as well as a relaxed demeanor that prompts conversation. More often than not, a child welcomes conversation when it is initiated with an encouraging opening line, How was your day honey? Isn’t just dinner table conversation, rather it must be an attempt to make the child aware that he is loved. Every word and emotion conveys feelings of self-worth that a child will inevitably form about himself. It’s crucial that they are positive because that’s the foundation on which he will establish his life.

Effective parenting isn’t found in any rulebook. It’s learned gradually. Every day of your kid is a new day for both the child and also the parent. Sometimes it involves research and at other times it involves multiple trials. It involves countless tears and unexpected roadblocks. But the results are compensation enough for the effort. Having witnessed children growing up in abusive homes and constantly belittled in front of their siblings or teachers can have the most damaging impact that can easily spiral out of control without effective preventive mechanisms. And it’s almost unbelievable that we subject our children to unimaginable trauma by constantly pressurizing them to “measure up”. I feel it’s important to emphasize this point here in the words of Ben Stein, “Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child’s tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It’s not funny and it’s not good parenting.” A child with a learning disability is dealing with his own demons. He doesn’t need further validation about his deficit. He needs firm love. Sometimes the answers are pretty simple but our complicated set of beliefs and exhaustive knowledge about parenting does little to fix matters. In this age of quick fixes, we rely heavily upon guidebooks to show us the way, so to speak, but effective parenting is more about intent and an open mind that keeps the child’s best interests at heart.

When we talk about effective parenting, we almost ignore the importance of a committed married relationship. Children grow up to become responsible for balanced individuals when they witness the security of a loving home. The rising rates in divorce is a global epidemic, and that’s a whole different subject that demands in-depth analysis. Sociologists well understand that chaos at home causes violent behavior and social alienation among children. Suffice to say; committed partnerships lead to happy children.

Parenting is serious business. Don’t cushion your child. Let them make mistakes. Give them space.
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Go on fishing trips and explore the countryside with your kids. Build bridges instead of walls. Be a safe haven for your child to come home to. Hang on to them during the bumpy ride of adolescence and during their first steps into adulthood. Parenting is not only about giving love, but its also being receptive enough to receive it.

Effective parenting doesn’t involve giving a set of principles to your children to follow. It’s leading by example. Fred Rogers brings the entire parenting deal in one simple statement, “If the day ever came when we were able to accept ourselves and our children exactly as we and they are, then, I believe, we would have come very close to an ultimate understanding of what good parenting means.

Sajid Ahamed is Grinder approved NLP Trainer in India and the Middle East. He has been running NLP Practitioner Courses in India and the Middle East. He has been coaching Clients for effective parenting skills and Enhancing Emotional intelligence. You can book a free session with him using the below link.

https://my.timetrade.com/book/LNX16

IPLC Team

Coaching – The Game Changer

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Coaching – The Game Changer

Attaining excellence is not an option. It’s a necessity. It’s a ruthless never-ending struggle to reach the top. The intensity and all-consuming demands for perfection demand a reckless drive, an almost maniacal obsession to perfect one’s craft. And while it’s quite possible that an individual is equipped with all the necessary attributes to make it big in life, it doesn’t necessarily imply that there can be no further improvement. The danger of complacency is an ever-present reality that can suck an individual’s potential and can deaden the senses. And almost imperceptibly, the individual loses himself in that mechanical pursuit of tasks that have no real meaning. And all too often, the ability to make a switch seems like a gigantic proposition. What starts as a small trickle becomes a rushing waterfall, fierce and magnetic.

The ability to address and give appropriate feedback at those crucial junctures in an individual’s life becomes paramount. This can’t be emphasized enough.

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The vast majority of people are losing themselves in being busy, without being productive and accomplishing anything of real and lasting importance. That’s the real danger, and it surprisingly goes unnoticed. And that brings us to the essential question, “Why is achieving excellence important? The truth is, the road to victory is often strewn with roadblocks real or imagined, and most people would rather settle for comfortable. And a comfortable existence is a dangerous one, as it offers no real solace or lasting value. Inevitably, the demands of life can be a very heavy sentence and we all are aware of the term “burnout”, which is a direct result of lost time and failed dreams.

Coaching plays a huge role in directing an individual towards fulfillment and ultimately towards greater productivity. The results personally and professionally are unparalleled. I personally have been remarkably blessed with mentors who have played an invaluable role in helping me see reason. Yes, even that sometimes! But on a serious note,

coaching leads to life-changing decisions that overall boost an individual’s net worth.

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Coaching requires an open perspective, a bird’s eye view of the individual’s psyche. Coaching mechanisms can’t be replicated as no two individuals are the same, with completely different personalities and interests. Also, it’s important to consider a very important principle. Coaching is not a road to fame or a “feel good factor”.

Authentic coaching keeps the individual’s needs at the forefront and is always given with an unbiased attitude.

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Why is Coaching a Game Changer?

Simply put, life doesn’t offer second chances and therefore it stands to reason, that an individual can’t live to see defeat multiple times. It can lead to depression, to say the least!! But let’s be honest here. The objective is to lead an exemplary life, a life that is rich with promise and potential, and we all need a mentor that can lead us there. Individuals who make it on their own are a rarity. Truth is, no one can make it alone, even the so-called self-made individuals. The catch here is, the right feedback at the right time conveyed in the right manner that miraculously works like a charm. Coaching is vastly different from other therapies, and it can be argued that it’s by far the best strategy for personal growth.

The reason is surprisingly simple “the personal touch”, that connectedness and shared bond that forms an almost tangible sense of self-belief and self-worth.

Sometimes feelings of self-worth are buried under years of abuse and neglect, almost eroding an individual’s sense of discovery and dreams. Coaching lays bare the essentials, with powerful questions that demand a deeper introspection. The path to growth is adventurous! It demands sheer grit and courage in the face of relentless opposition. The notion that coaching is a tool that can lead to reformed individuals is not an overnight phenomenon. There are no quick fixes, and there shouldn’t be either. They lead to shaky foundations that topple at the slightest push. Coaching mechanisms are a complex labyrinth of procedures that demand answers that last. The results are not instantaneous but when an individual exhibits courage and categorical decision-making skills that are undeniably the tools that we need in the real world, we realize that Coaching has been the game changer.

Millions of people all over the world are realizing the incredible benefits of coaching. Maybe it’s time, YOU connect to that too!!!!!!

Sajid Ahamed, is Grinder approved NLP Trainer in India and Middle East. He has been running NLP Practitioner Courses in India and Middle East. He has been coaching Clients for effective parenting skills and Enhancing Emotional intelligence. You can book a free session with him using the below link.

https://my.timetrade.com/book/LNX16

IPLC Team

The Confidence Connection

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The Confidence Connection

Aristotle once said “Anyone can become angry-that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, this is not easy.

Emotional intelligence is the trademark characteristic that separates the exceptionally brilliant from the mediocre. These individuals are star performers who have a distinctive appeal. It is defined as “the capacity to be aware of, control and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” In a rapidly changing world, the adaptability factor is a key driver for great performance.

Brain profile assessments are a great way to figure out one’s unique combination, so to speak, which will subsequently aid an individual to make informed and categorical choices. The SEI Brain Brief Profile provides a snapshot of your brain’s current style for processing emotional and cognitive data.

The brain profile assessments are the learning receptiveness profile and emotional intelligence competencies profile which are designed specifically to enhance an individual’s performance.

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In a sense we have two minds and two different kinds of intelligence; rational and emotional. A person’s IQ might be exceptional, but its emotional intelligence that plays a pivotal role in his continued success.

Howard Gardner, a psychologist at the Harvard school of education, commented thus, “The time has come, to broaden our notion of the spectrum of talents.

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The single most important contribution education can make to a child’s development is to help him towards a field where his talents best suit him, where he will be satisfied and competent. We have completely lost sight of that.” His influential book, “Frames of Mind” is a masterpiece that refutes the notion that an individual who is born with an exceptional IQ is automatically destined for success while those with a substandard intelligence can resign themselves to a life of mediocrity.

Despite making rapid strides in every field, unfortunately, as a society, we haven’t yet addressed the importance of teaching children the importance of conflict resolution and expressing emotions unreservedly. Emotional competency is not a byproduct of a brain profile assessment, though they play a huge role in assessing an individual’s strengths and weaknesses. The unlimited potential that emotional intelligence offers is staggering and they must be taught and modeled for children. If not now, then when? This is a global crisis with a reach that extends beyond the borders of race and economic status. In the desperate struggle for economic prosperity, an entire generation of children are growing up starved and desperately deficient in emotional strengths. Social isolation, aggression, and difficulties in concentration are just the tip of the iceberg with a world of problems that spiral out of control in adulthood.

Emotional competencies developed during childhood play a very significant role in shaping an individual’s ability to handle failure. Parents who regularly coach their children and provide feedback consistently during the formative years undeniably lay the groundwork whose ripple effects are immeasurable.

The Journey towards emotional literacy is fraught with a host of factors that can’t be quantified. Brain profile assessments undoubtedly offer a window of opportunity into the inner workings of the mind. But, emotional intelligence is a byproduct of a child’s formative years and the complex set of life events coupled with a timely intervention that plays a definitive role in the outcome. There are always exceptions to the rule. To say that we need emotionally intelligent people in positions of power would be an understatement.

The ability to empathize and connect at a deeper level, taking into account the varying perspectives is the hallmark of an emotionally mature and confident individual.

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Emotional competency is built during periods of intense stress.

Brains may come in handy, but as a predictor of long term success, emotional intelligence undoubtedly grabs center stage.

For more details on Brain Profile assessment, please visit the below link.

https://innerpeacelife.com/brain-profiles/

Sajid Ahamed is a certified Brain Profile assessor from Six Seconds. He is also a Grinder approved NLP Trainer in India and the Middle East. He has been running NLP Practitioner Courses in India and the Middle East. He has been coaching Clients for effective parenting skills and Enhancing Emotional intelligence. You can book a free session with him using the below link.

https://my.timetrade.com/book/LNX16

IPLC Team

The Paradox of Stammering/Stuttering

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The Paradox of Stammering/Stuttering

James Earl Jones once remarked, “One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.”

“Stammering is a condition characterized by stoppages and disruptions in fluency which interrupt smooth flow and timing of speech. These stoppages may take the form of repetitions of sounds, syllables or words, or of prolongations of sounds so that words seem to be stretched out, and can involve silent blocking of the airflow of speech when no sound is heard.” ( Enderby, 1996)

Individuals suffering from this disability (Stuttering) know precisely what they want to say but are unable to articulate it. Stuttering and stammering are synonymous.

Stammering could easily become a persistent problem without timely intervention, and we shall look into some of these preventive mechanisms to combat stammering. There are a couple of practices that can reduce it to a manageable level. Talking slowly can help control the stutter. Reaching out to a supportive network and practicing speech therapy all have a positive impact. In addition to this, practicing breathing exercises infinitely increases the chances of a more fluent conversation. But, and it’s a resounding but, it’s important to address the importance of building up robust self-esteem. As mentioned earlier, there is no known cure for stammering. In a society that is obsessed with perfection, life can be unbearably brutal for a person with a disability. It’s highly unconventional to meet a person who is suffering from a disability and yet radiate a certain level of confidence. That’s an oxymoron. Yet, that’s precisely the objective of this article.

Let me illustrate. Nick Vujicic, the author of “Life without Limits” was born without arms and legs. He is the founder of the nonprofit organization, “Life without limbs”. A surfer, writer, motivational speaker, and a globe trotter, Nick didn’t have it easy. He participates in almost all of the activities that normal people do. Yes, the usage of the word “normal” was deliberate as this society is quick to demarcate individuals in categories that are safe and accepted.

Emily Blunt, Tiger Woods and Julia Roberts all have something in common. They all suffered a debilitating speech disorder and despite the insurmountable difficulties achieved a level of success almost incomprehensible. During the course of my research on critical illnesses and their preventive mechanisms, a critical and often overlooked fact is the resilience of the human spirit, which has a definitive role in the ultimate outcome.

We need a radical shift in our mindset, one that embraces a person with a disability and empowers them to win. It’s not a sympathetic gesture, it’s a “human” one.

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A person who exhibits confidence whilst suffering from a speech disorder is a paradox. But, it’s not uncommon. And in the pursuit of an egalitarian society, an unreserved acceptance must be practiced. This point is eloquently expressed by

David Mitchell, “Now I am more able to feel that if people have a problem with my stammer, that problem is theirs and not mine.”

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During a recent session with one of my clients for Stammering / Stuttering, I first identified the desired state he wants to be in and also the present state. All behavior including stuttering is state dependent. That’s why you would find some people stammer more under stress and fear than other situations. Working at an unconscious level reorganizes the input data and recreates the map the person is living in. As John Grinder Co-Creator of NLP puts it,” You see the world through your map of the world”, which might be limited due to filters installed from previous experience or exposures. As a Coach, my role is to help the client’s unconscious mind to see other choices which are hidden.

In short, experience creates a memory and creates a pattern of response. When you live this experience over and over again, this pattern transforms into habits including Phobias.

NLP is one of the best tools for changing habits.

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Some of the NLP Techniques like Swish Pattern with a lot of stacking of anchors for confidence, positivity, and focus can be very helpful for scores of other behaviors that are undesirable like Stuttering, Nail-biting, snoozing, etc.

Sajid Ahamed is Grinder approved NLP Trainer in India and the Middle East. He has been running NLP Practitioner Courses in India and the Middle East. He has been coaching Clients for effective parenting skills and Enhancing Emotional intelligence. You can book a free session with him using the below link.

https://my.timetrade.com/book/LNX16