The Paradox of Stammering/Stuttering
James Earl Jones once remarked, “One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.”
“Stammering is a condition characterized by stoppages and disruptions in fluency which interrupt smooth flow and timing of speech. These stoppages may take the form of repetitions of sounds, syllables or words, or of prolongations of sounds so that words seem to be stretched out, and can involve silent blocking of the airflow of speech when no sound is heard.” ( Enderby, 1996)
Individuals suffering from this disability (Stuttering) know precisely what they want to say but are unable to articulate it. Stuttering and stammering are synonymous.
Stammering could easily become a persistent problem without timely intervention, and we shall look into some of these preventive mechanisms to combat stammering. There are a couple of practices that can reduce it to a manageable level. Talking slowly can help control the stutter. Reaching out to a supportive network and practicing speech therapy all have a positive impact. In addition to this, practicing breathing exercises infinitely increases the chances of a more fluent conversation. But, and it’s a resounding but, it’s important to address the importance of building up robust self-esteem. As mentioned earlier, there is no known cure for stammering. In a society that is obsessed with perfection, life can be unbearably brutal for a person with a disability. It’s highly unconventional to meet a person who is suffering from a disability and yet radiate a certain level of confidence. That’s an oxymoron. Yet, that’s precisely the objective of this article.
Let me illustrate. Nick Vujicic, the author of “Life without Limits” was born without arms and legs. He is the founder of the nonprofit organization, “Life without limbs”. A surfer, writer, motivational speaker, and a globe trotter, Nick didn’t have it easy. He participates in almost all of the activities that normal people do. Yes, the usage of the word “normal” was deliberate as this society is quick to demarcate individuals in categories that are safe and accepted.
Emily Blunt, Tiger Woods and Julia Roberts all have something in common. They all suffered a debilitating speech disorder and despite the insurmountable difficulties achieved a level of success almost incomprehensible. During the course of my research on critical illnesses and their preventive mechanisms, a critical and often overlooked fact is the resilience of the human spirit, which has a definitive role in the ultimate outcome.
A person who exhibits confidence whilst suffering from a speech disorder is a paradox. But, it’s not uncommon. And in the pursuit of an egalitarian society, an unreserved acceptance must be practiced. This point is eloquently expressed by
During a recent session with one of my clients for Stammering / Stuttering, I first identified the desired state he wants to be in and also the present state. All behavior including stuttering is state dependent. That’s why you would find some people stammer more under stress and fear than other situations. Working at an unconscious level reorganizes the input data and recreates the map the person is living in. As John Grinder Co-Creator of NLP puts it,” You see the world through your map of the world”, which might be limited due to filters installed from previous experience or exposures. As a Coach, my role is to help the client’s unconscious mind to see other choices which are hidden.
In short, experience creates a memory and creates a pattern of response. When you live this experience over and over again, this pattern transforms into habits including Phobias.
Some of the NLP Techniques like Swish Pattern with a lot of stacking of anchors for confidence, positivity, and focus can be very helpful for scores of other behaviors that are undesirable like Stuttering, Nail-biting, snoozing, etc.
Sajid Ahamed is Grinder approved NLP Trainer in India and the Middle East. He has been running NLP Practitioner Courses in India and the Middle East. He has been coaching Clients for effective parenting skills and Enhancing Emotional intelligence. You can book a free session with him using the below link.
The Confidence Paradigm
Mark Twain once remarked, “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” According to popular consensus, either one is equipped with confidence or it’s a struggle to master the craft. Brian Tracy, the author of many self-help books argues that one might have intrinsic abilities, but what separates the truly successful from average performers is the ability to constantly upgrade their craft and I couldn’t agree more with him on this.
In an era distinguished with speed and the constant battle to stay on top of the game requires confidence. The astute observation of a popular comedian drives home this point, quite often overlooked, “If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?” Confidence is the trait or quality that can unlock one’s potential and open up a whole vista of possibilities. Dalai Lama’s take on confidence is the cornerstone and quite succinctly embodies a world of meaning, “With the realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s own ability, one can build a better world.”
All too often, we are consumed with thoughts of uncertainty and fear, which may be unfounded. Science has proved that most of our assumptions are baseless. And then, of course, it’s a battle with one’s own inner critic. All of these thought processes have unimaginable repercussions and has the power to stunt an individual’s growth. In my quest to know more about this principle, I went through tons of articles and observed people in various settings and the results were striking. But first, let’s address one key principle and an absolutely undeniable fact. We are extremely concerned about people’s opinions, whether correct or incorrect and that creates the bedrock for most of our actions. Mandy Hale remarks, “Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful and magical person that you are.” But, that’s precisely the problem. Most people would rather present a perfect picture and gain instant approval. Eventually, that leads to discord as one is unable to live up to the lofty expectations that were established in the first place.
Confidence, the real deal comes across as authentic and is backed up by solid self-esteem which is self-governed and is hardly bothered by critics, real or imagined. It is characterized by a disarming and humble demeanor. Yes, you heard that right. Strength cloaked in humility. It’s the ability to lay one’s cards on the table and say, “Sorry, could you teach me how that’s done?’ Those are the kind of people who have built empires and billion dollar corporations. Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong.
Now that we have established a few key principles, let’s dive deeper into the elements of confidence.
I don’t know – That seems utterly ridiculous, and can spark gossip and verbal humiliation. But, it can also lead to rich dividends. The truly confident individual is a lifelong learner and can handle criticism with grace. Over a period of time, the same individual has learned the rules of the game and is on the path to super growth.
Know who you are- Of Course, you may counter, “I know who I am”. Really? Honest self-assessments are the hallmark of super successful individuals. They know where to draw the line and inevitably those who make the greatest pitch.
Resolve to stop the Comparison Game- We all have a different mountain to climb. Win the battle, not every race. Confident people resolutely run their own race, avoiding the temptation to compare constantly.
The Optimistic Outlook- Life can be hard enough. Let’s stop being too harsh on ourselves. These individuals have mastered the ability to appreciate life’s battles, knowing that it will serve to make them more resilient. Confidence is not, “They will like me. Confidence is, “I will be fine if they don’t.”
Never doubt your ability to grow and enlarge your vision. It all starts with YOU! Whether it’s succeeding in business or dating a new person, it all rests undeniably on the confidence paradigm. Confidence is taking charge of your future and accepting total responsibility. “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you are Not.”
As an NLP Trainer and Coach, one of the most commonly asked issues is how to build confidence. Here are simple steps to build confidence.
Think when was the last time you felt highly confidence and you would rate this experience on a scale of 0-10, 0 being least motivated and 10 being highly motivated somewhere above 6.
Now, imagine you are reliving that experience and seeing what you could see in that state of high confidence, hear what you could hear and feel how confident you are feeling at that moment.
When you are at the pinnacle of this experience, I want you to do something unique which you can remember, like for eg, touching one of knuckles or click of fingers or something which is unique and you will remember. ( This acts as an anchor for you)
Take 3 or 4 deep breaths and
Now do you unique action (touching your knuckles or clicking your fingers) – This will instantly take you back to the same memories which you had thought about before anchoring.
You may want to get in touch with an NLP Practitioner, to get this done perfectly and for different things in your life like improving motivation, getting rid of the habit of procrastination, changing from confusion to understanding, getting clarity on something, etc.
The coach can also guide you even you don’t have any previous encounter with confidence.
I use a variety of techniques like NLP, Hypnosis, EFT, Energy Healing and Reiki.
Michael Jordan sums it up beautifully, “If you are confident you have done everything possible to prepare yourself, then there is nothing to fear.”
Use Stress To Rebuild Your Life
This world is spinning at a maddening pace, and it demands exceptional brilliance both at a personal and professional level. Therefore, it is not a surprise that more and more people feel unable to cope with the demands of daily life. It’s known fact that as we age, Energy Demand of the body increases while the energy Capacity decreases, which naturally leads to fatigue and low energy states and acts as a perfect ground for stress.Richard Lazarus put it across succinctly, “a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.”Faced with a stressful situation, an individual either fight it or runs away from it, commonly referred to as the “fight or flight response.” Some of the common indicators of stress are constant headaches, sweaty palms, angry outbursts, social isolation and difficulties in concentration to name just a few.
Stress is a built-in mechanism which the human body utilizes to develop at the expense of body energy. For this process to work at its optimum capacity, the energy expenditure pattern of the body needs to be balanced with intermittent energy recovery periods.
An example of Overuse is a workaholic and that of underuse can be a fractured leg on plaster, both have an issue which needs to be dealt with. A person who is not subjected to enough stress may have physical and Spiritual issues while a person who does not have enough recovery may be challenged mentally and emotionally.
How you condition yourself decides your recovery pattern. Like when you work-out in a gym, you are actually using the available energy in the muscles by creating a level of stress for your muscles. This creates a stimulus for growth and later when the muscles undergo a recovery cycle, that when the muscles grow. So the principle is each stress cycle should be altered with a recovery period for optimum growth. This will lead to full engagement. Another important point to be remembered here is that Strategic recovery can prevent involuntary recovery.
In this article, we shall delve deep into recovery Techniques to effectively use the stress and why it’s so important to address it seriously. How you react to Stress is a wide spectrum of techniques and psychotherapies aimed at balancing a person’s level of stress, especially chronic stress, usually for the purpose of improving everyday functioning.” Expanding energy in one dimension can bring recovery in another. The four dimensions of personality being Spiritual, mental, emotional and Physical. Below I have enlisted few techniques to enhance recovery after exposure to stressful cycle in life.
1. Sleeping Right– Most people don’t realize the incredible health benefits of sleeping adequately. Less sleep leads to difficulties in concentration and a reduction in problem-solving abilities. That, in turn, magnifies existing problems and leads to poor decisions that affect every sphere of life.
2. A Balanced Diet– This seems like a no-brainer but most individuals survive on junk food, while thoroughly eliminating a balanced diet. Proper nourishment can help individual combat stress.
3. A Strong Network of Friends & Family– No man is an island and we all need a strong circle of dependable friends who can shoulder the burden in times of crisis.
4. The Power of Mini Vacations– Sometimes, it’s important to remove oneself from a conflicting situation and head for a mini- vacation. It definitely offers a fresh perspective. Short vacations can be as beneficial as extended getaways. A short trip to the mountains, minus the rigors and professional demands, can revive the soul.
5. Guided Meditation – Worrying about the past, present and the future comes naturally to most of us. When practiced religiously it causes irreversible damage to our bodies. Therefore, it’s important to listen to guided meditations and soft calming music either at the beginning of the day or at the end.
6. Visualization– It’s a powerful tool to achieve both personal and professional success. Some of the World’s top athletes have used this technique successfully to achieve personal mastery. Jim Carrey, the famous Hollywood comedian par excellence used the power of visualization and the rest is history.
7. Aromatherapy– is a relaxation technique that makes the use of essential oils. Most of these oils have mood stabilizing and mood enhancement properties. A trip to the spa once in a while can work wonders for one’s health.
8. Nature – Nature has an amazing way of calming frayed nerves. A short trip to the park, trekking across the mountain trail or simply going for a fishing trip has a host of benefits. Breathing in the clean mountain air, or just hearing the sound of the river rushing past feeds the soul and calms the mind. It would be a great idea to leave one’s smartphone behind on these excursions.
9. Yoga and Tai-Chi– These ancient practices sharpen mental dexterity and focus. They have a ton of benefits both for the mind and body if practiced daily. Needless to mention, they are a great start to the day.
10. The Power of Gratitude– Thaddeus Golas remarked, “The best things in life are not only free, they are mostly invisible.” To be grateful for the small things in life is an art and it leads to a soul shift. It’s a deliberate focus on a superior power. And more often than not, it is this attitude of constant thankfulness that puts us in a position to receive more.
Now, let’s be honest.
Coaching and NLP are the most useful tool that you can have in your toolbox. There are a host of other recovery techniques as well.
The World that we live in will only continue to become more complex and unpredictable. It’s crucial to deal with stress effectively before it ruins our lives and our careers. Lets beat the “silent killer” before it leads to complete burnout. Now, that’s a battle worth fighting!!!