How to deal with a childs abusive behaviour

Dealing with a Child who is behaving Differently

When a child becomes abusive and exhibits violent behavior, it’s a huge red flag and should never go unnoticed or unchecked. Sudden outbursts of uncontrolled rage isn’t just a phase as some presume and is usually the first external manifestation of deep-seated resentment and anger. Without necessary preventive mechanisms, this problem behavior can quickly spiral out of control.

Let’s take a look at some of the Strategies you can use in mitigating this problem behavior:

📌Exerting Power- Sometimes children resort to name calling and verbal abuse to check how far they can push their parents before they flip. Or they might exhibit violent behavior as a method of releasing frustration and anger. Whatever might be the cause, parents and caregivers must deal with such instances with tact rather than punishing the child as this might trigger the child to become increasingly difficult and stubborn.

📌Conflict at Home- Children reared in dysfunctional homes where parents are either absent or are mired in marital conflict is a hotbed for disaster. Children feel powerless in such a scenario and find no other alternative than to lash out at authority. Rather than blaming the child and subjecting them to disciplinary measures, its always a much better option to reason with them and let them know that they are not to blame. Sometimes children hold themselves responsible for family conflict and become violent and angry as a result of it.

📌Heart of the Matter In a high conflict situation, its usually the children who face the onslaught. Since each child’s coping mechanisms are different, they might exhibit their frustration in various ways. As a society, we are accustomed to finding an instant solution and sometimes children are termed as “difficult” or someone with “learning disabilities” or “problems with controlling rage” and so forth. Its so important to do a deep dive and understand the set of circumstances that contributed to a child displaying a particular “problem behavior” and then devise specific strategies to deal with that, rather than prescribing a treatment that has nothing to with the cause.

📌Letting the Abuse SlideSometimes parents might ignore abusive statements or name calling. Unfortunately, this behavior escalates since this wasn’t curtailed at the outset. Children feel they have the upper hand and use it to their advantage. Refusing to address this behavior, assuming mistakenly that this is a form of love and giving in to a child’s demands every single time are huge mistakes. Parents and care givers must exercise firmness and discipline to give the child a “feel” of who is the authority figure. Children must realize that violent behavior will not be “indulged” under any circumstances. 

📌Excessive / Unbalanced Love Can there be something called as Excessive love? Yes, you heard that right. Giving in to a child’s demands every time, fulfilling all their wishes and refusing to acknowledge the required change in their child’s Behavior is not the best parenting. This also leads to violent behavior and irreverence towards authority figures. Abusive behavior doesn’t happen overnight. Exercising restraint and discipline never goes out of style and must an indispensable element in parenting.

📌Maintaining Appearances In a bid to maintain peace at home, parents and caregivers try to placate an angry child before the rage begins. They cajole and request the child to calm down which only serves to exacerbate an already fuming child. Rage and anger can only be counteracted with a calm disposition and a No- Nonsense attitude. There’s no other way.

📌Punishment Gone Awry- Children who are subjected to excessive punishment at a young age may exhibit violent behavior as a method of getting back control and respect. Excessive punishment, withholding affection and treating a child with disrespect can have an irreversible impact on a child’s psyche. Sometimes, the effects are so damaging that a child may resort to inflicting self harm. This requires a detailed in-depth analysis and prompt medical intervention. 

📌Setting Boundaries –  Its very crucial to establish the boundaries and teach children to respect these boundaries at the outset. Having said that, there are multiple causes that might lead to a child being difficult and abusive. 

There’s no strict criteria that fits all and it demands an in-depth analysis of each specific situation to understand the reasoning that drives such behavior. In the end, what matters is that children learn how to solve their problems appropriately without resorting to violence and aggression. They must know that there are far better mechanisms at their disposal. Mechanisms that if mastered, can help them in fulfilling their true potential and lead fulfilling lives.

 

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified Trainer of NLP” and organizes John Grinder approved New Code NLP and NLP Master Practitioner Certifications  Courses in India and the Middle East. He has more than 1000 hours of coaching experience and is an ICF accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Apart from the Trainings, he covers a  wide niche of coaching including Relationship Coaching, Parenting Coaching, Leadership Coaching.

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Things that can defeat your goals

Key Factors that Prevent People from reaching their Goals

At the Beginning of each year, millions of people worldwide commit to following through on their resolutions. Yet, just a few days into the year, many sadly are unable to sustain the momentum and either forget their initial targets or provide a ready excuse to silence their inner critic.

Let’s look into some of the key factors that prevent people from reaching their goals –

😕No ClarityA Goal must be rock solid. A Goal that lacks clarity and vision is bound to perish. 

🎯A Grandiose Vision– It is often said, Dream Big. Yet, most people, though they are charmed by big projects are unable to maintain the laser sharp focus required to see that dream to fruition. Its perfectly fine to dream big but its equally important to develop the discipline that is absolutely critical for long term success. 

📃Avoidance of Failure– Failures are the stepping stones for success. It can’t be any other way. If you are not prepared to fail, you are not ready to Succeed. For most individuals, failure seems like a roadblock that they can’t cross and sometimes willfully choose not to.

Lack of Discipline– You might have the best plan and strategy but without execution, it amounts to nothing. Most high performers have clear systems and practices in place and they are hell bent on executing them regardless of external circumstances. 

🤝You Cannot Have EverythingAny worthwhile venture is usually accompanied with a compromise of some sort, an adjustment to life that needs to be made. If its worth it, it will demand sacrifices. Those who are not willing to pay the price must forget their dream. There are no grey zones here. 

💪Inability to Deal with AdversitySuccess doesn’t come cheap. Its years and months of gut-wrenching hard work. Most individuals shirk from putting in the effort or they might have experienced repeated failures. Inability to deal with failure is the Number one cause that prevents people from achieving their dreams. Failures are inevitable. It’s the courage to continue that counts.  

🤨Lack of Hunger Most people haven’t figured out their why. Why is it that they want to accomplish that dream? What’s the reasoning behind it? If the Why is not big enough, an individual is bound to give up mid stride citing innumerable excuses. History is replete with examples of individuals who have conquered mountains because of that all-consuming “Why”!

😮Pre Conceived IdeasSometimes it has nothing to do with external circumstances. It has to do with faulty reasoning such as “What if I fail? What if I am ridiculed? What happens next? These are dangerous assumptions and stop an individual in their tracks before they attempt something. To that I can Only say, “Rest in peace to all the Opportunities that we were unable to take advantage of due to low self-esteem and faulty reasoning.”

😫ProcrastinationPostponing tasks due to multiple reasons becomes a habit and that habit is not easily broken. Procrastination kills the best laid plans. Time is the only non-negotiable entity. Once lost, it can never be retrieved. Highly successful individuals follow this principle, “Don’t put off until tomorrow what can be done today.” 

I have timeis deluded thinking. No one really knows how much time they have at their disposal. Do it NOW!

🙏Trying to please Everybody You might have heard this statement, “The fastest road to failure is trying to please everybody.” You are bound to encounter people who are not in favor of your project, who don’t want you winning. What’s your stand then? What you choose to do will determine the rest of your life.

🧞‍♀️Trying to Do it AloneNo man is an island. Success is a team effort. The sooner you get people on board, the sooner people buy into your vision will determine long term success. Not a transitory victory. Rather long-term success. That’s what you should be aiming for.

😐I am Not Ready Yet No one is. Learn on the go. Improvise and adapt. If someone offers you an opportunity say you will do it and then learn the ropes as you progress from step to step. Everyone was a beginner once. No one started off being excellent at their craft.

Don’t spend your life running up and down a field and never scoring. If something is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it. 

Put your Future in Good Hands- Your Own!

 

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified Trainer of NLP” and organizes John Grinder approved New Code NLP and NLP Master Practitioner Certifications  Courses in India and the Middle East. He has more than 1000 hours of coaching experience and is an ICF accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Apart from the Trainings, he covers a  wide niche of coaching including Relationship Coaching, Parenting Coaching, Leadership Coaching.

To be updated with latest trends in Coaching and psychotherapy, join our Facebook Private group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/findinnerpeace

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Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

Have you ever felt that life was just passing you by? That somehow you had zero control over how things shaped up? That inevitably is the result of zero goal setting, where life happens by default. And somehow that leads to months and even years of living life as a passive participant. If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.

Regardless of where you find yourself at this juncture in life, it is so crucial to understand the importance of goal setting and the strategies to achieving those goals. Great goal setting is SMART. This principle is followed by millions of individuals worldwide who can attest to the phenomenal changes they have witnessed in their own lives as a result of following this time-tested strategy.

Let’s break this down –

📑 Specific Goals– This should be clear and concise. Rather than setting a large goal like increased productivity, focus on how daily performance can be enhanced which is basically the 1% rule or rather the rule of compound interest. Specific goals take the pressure off of fulfilling a gigantic goal which has no clear established format and is clearly not going to take off and most likely to be forgotten purely because it has no structured guideline.

📅 It Must be Measurable Progress that can be tracked is a great motivator versus progress that is unseen. Establish a key goal, design a format and schedule specific times. For Example, It can be a weekly or a monthly check- in to measure how far you have come.

🎯 Achievable– Most individuals set a great lofty goal and decide they are going to implement it in the New Year. Unfortunately, this strategy is bound for disaster. It has no structured framework and it seems daunting, to say the least. The result is procrastination and frustration. The biggest mistake is trying to operate on someone else’s timeline and replicating their strategies. You know what you are capable of. Stick to a plan that is achievable and reward yourself for minor wins along the way.

📋 Realistic– Goals must be realistic and achievable. Not Sugar coated and wafting in the Clouds.

Time Bound Goals that are governed by a schedule are much more likely to work versus goals that have no timeline.

Now that we have established the framework, what are the benefits that you stand to enjoy as a result of following the above principles?

Let’s take a look –

😃 Goals keep you Motivated and aid in maintaining Momentum There is no greater thrill than following through on a goal and see it come to fruition. That adrenaline rush is intoxicating. It spurs an individual to try harder and win again.

Goals help you determine what you want in LifeNow that these patterns have been established, it provides an individual with greater clarity about what they want in life. How can they get there? What strategies can be improved upon and so forth. An individual also gains greater clarity on what they don’t want to pursue any longer. What systems are outdated and must be removed completely in order to focus on better projects.

🤔 Clarity in Decision Making– There is a decisiveness and confidence that is a byproduct of making strategic decisions all the time. The more an individual progresses in following through on goal setting, their abilities increasingly become more refined and streamlined.

📍 In Control of your FutureNow an individual is no longer operating on default. They are smack dab in the center of their purpose. They have a clear vision for the future, a roadmap that will get them there and a track record of successes and failures that are nothing but invaluable experience. They are in the driver’s seat of their life and have assumed complete responsibility for how they want their future to be.

🎯 If you go To Work on Your Goals, Your Goals Will Go to Work on YouYes, It Works!

If you somehow skipped reading the above, this statement by Don Lancaster brilliantly summarizes how to do Goal setting right:

“Most impossible goals can be met simply by breaking them down into bite size chunks, writing them down, believing them, and going full speed ahead as if they were routine.”

As we step into a brand-new year, let me ask you this,

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”

In the next series, we will look into the Popular myths surrounding goal setting and how it prevents individuals in leading their best lives.

 

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified Trainer of NLP” and organizes John Grinder approved New Code NLP and NLP Master Practitioner Certifications  Courses in India and the Middle East. He has more than 1000 hours of coaching experience and is an ICF accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Apart from the Trainings, he covers a  wide niche of coaching including Relationship Coaching, Parenting Coaching, Leadership Coaching.

To be updated with latest trends in Coaching and psychotherapy, join our Facebook Private group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/findinnerpeace

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Effective Mental Health Interventions

Early intervention in mental health involves prompt initiative, assessment and delivery of effective treatment mechanisms to people at risk or who might be in the early stages of a mental health crisis. More often than not, the timeline between diagnosis and the mental health crisis becoming a full-blown catastrophe is concise; without effective treatment, it carries with it the potential to wreck families and ruin entire lives.

One of the Prominent reviews (Rapid Reviews) on early intervention describes it; thus, “Prevention in mental health aims to reduce the incidence, prevalence and recurrence of mental health disorders and their associated disability.” Preventive interventions are based on modifying risk exposure and strengthening the individual’s coping mechanisms.

Here is a list of early intervention strategies that can be employed, in no particular order.

  • Provide Timely Interventions Geared towards each Developmental Stage
    Each stage of an individual’s life carries its own challenges and roadblocks. Some cross over them effortlessly, while others struggle with basic preliminary tasks. Acknowledging that there is a problem that needs urgent attention can sometimes be the toughest challenge since we are so accustomed to portraying that veneer of “perfectionism.” Effective intervention and treatment at the right time can be a life-saving drug.

  • Hire a Mental Health Coach
    Children exhibit many behaviors that might seem problematic and rebellious at the surface but might have a different justification underneath. For instance, family conflict at home might trigger a child to be violent and aggressive. Or it might lead to social withdrawal. Various individuals might have different coping mechanisms when presented with the same stimuli. Left Unchecked can lead to bad decisions, career upheaval and dependency on drugs in later years. Mental health coaches are trained coaches and can use techniques from the therapeutic approaches they are certified in to treat you. With my personal experiences as an NLP Practitioner with successful interventions with Mental health clients, I can confidently say that Coaches can help build strategies and habits to improve their mental health conditioning.

  • Increase Social Awareness
    A Mental health disorder is not a forbidden topic, contrary to society’s belief. There could be a host of reasons behind someone’s behavior and culture as a whole must embrace this without judgment. The timeline followed by the majority might not be someone’s reality, which is perfectly okay. This system of categorizing someone based on external circumstances must stop. Needless to say, it’s time society practiced more restraint and awareness before “putting someone into a box.”
  • Better Lifestyle Choices
    The immediate environment dramatically affects how an individual perceives external circumstances. It has a direct bearing on their thoughts, actions and choices. Therefore, it’s crucial to have a stable home environment devoid of drama and unwarranted conflict. Sometimes, mental health professionals advise individuals to remove themselves physically from the “high conflict situation” as a last resort if all other strategies fail.
  • Paid Time Off
    To promote mental health and talk about it openly without fear of backlash, significant companies have instituted paid time off. There should be zero guilt associated with taking time off, saying No occasionally and emphasizing rest. Individuals can spend time with their families and invest in their well-being and self-care. Self-care, contrary to popular opinion, is not a luxury.
  • Encourage Dialogue
    Mental health issues must be discussed openly in seminars, gatherings and social media Channels. There have been instances where famous celebrities have spoken about their shortcomings and battles with mental health publicly and unapologetically. This has somewhere caused the tide to turn in a favorable direction. More and more people have embraced their own challenges due to it.
  • It’s Okay to Not be Okay
    Having feelings of inadequacy and failure is a common human experience. Young boys and girls spend a score of time presenting themselves as others, as is the trend in the zone. If they can’t, they start getting depressed about being different and sometimes end up in radical habits to present themselves as others. It’s time to reframe the narrative. Humans are not machines that work on precisely the same scientific formulae. Humans condition themselves and adapt unconsciously to the tacit knowledge they encounter. Every individual is different and unique. Accepting this difference and uniqueness is key to more robust mental health.

I cannot emphasize the importance of early intervention in treating any mental health disorder. Early detection can sometimes be the one crucial denominator that can spell the difference between success and bitter defeat. It’s time to normalize conversations centered around mental health.

No one is supposed to struggle in Silence!

If you know someone who appears to be perfectly “put together” on the outside. Yet, you have a sneaking suspicion that all is not well in their World, do not hesitate to reach out.

 

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified Trainer of NLP” and organizes John Grinder approved New Code NLP and NLP Master Practitioner Certifications  Courses in India and the Middle East. He has more than 1000 hours of coaching experience and is an ICF accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). Apart from the Trainings, he covers a  wide niche of coaching including Relationship Coaching, Parenting Coaching, Leadership Coaching.

To be updated with latest trends in Coaching and psychotherapy, join our Facebook Private group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/findinnerpeace

For Further networking, follow us on

https://www.facebook.com/innerpeacelife/

https://www.instagram.com/innerpeacelifecoaching

https://youtube.com/c/InnerPeaceLifeCoaching