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How to Handle Fear of Rejection?

How to Handle Fear of Rejection?

Susan and Joe have been married for 6 years but off late they are having issues. Susan is constantly fearing that her husband doesn’t love her anymore. She fears he is going to leave her. Simple event create lot of anxiety and restlessness. Two days back, Susan asked Joe to join her to a party at her best friend’s house, but Joe had other plans and he said he is busy and will not be able to make it to party. Susan could feel a pain in her chest as if something heavy just landed in her chest. Now is Susan is doing something wrong or is Joe at fault or is it none’s fault. How can Susan handle this situation? Is she being rejected?

The Only thing that matters in life, is your own opinion about yourself. This powerful statement by Osho encompasses all that matters, or should in fact, matter. Since time immemorial, being accepted as a part of the tribe was a matter of life or death. Your life was dictated by the tribe’s policies and you had to adhere to it or risk being ostracized. But we are no longer living in the dark ages and our lives are definitely not being dictated by a sect or a group.

But yet, unfortunately, the majority of us are possessed by this constant incessant need for validation in order to feel accomplished or even moderately successful. And worse still, there are individuals who are willing to risk their very lives in order to be considered successful or be perceived as a class above the rest. Sounds unbelievable? Its not. The skin lightening industry in South Korea is booming. Individuals are willing to inject their bodies with dangerous products in order to look beautiful. Some have even died as a result, but is that a deterrent? A resounding No is the answer. It’s a multi-billion-dollar industry which is being fueled by individuals who just can’t accept themselves for who they are and are chasing an ideal image that sadly doesn’t exist.

Personally, I think it’s a “herd mentality”. Allow me to enumerate. It’s doing exactly what the crowd is doing and supposedly since everyone is doing it, it must be right. Where does self esteem come into the picture? I believe that question is going to be answered with a smirk and a disapproving nod of the head. A surgical procedure, duh ! Isn’t that what everyone in their right mind is doing nowadays in order to look sophisticated and progressive? The number of people who are resorting to such means is just astounding. A sorry state of affairs indeed.

So, where do we start? How do we stem this reckless tide? I believe, it must start young, but even more so, we must be grounded in a set of unshakeable belief systems.

Let’s face it. Nothing is perfect. Life is uncertain. Relationships are complex and everyone is racing to be a better version. And the way the world is speeding, my assumption is that it will only get progressively complex and fast paced. We simply cannot sustain that pace with negative self talk day in and day out and deliberately choosing to dwell on negative comments and altering our entire personalities as a result. Why is crime and racism on the rise? Somewhere along the way, we just couldn’t handle the constant criticism and hate. Somewhere, somehow the external statement became an internal reality. It’s a dangerous state of affairs.  Malcom Gladwell’s award-winning book “the tipping point” is a masterpiece and somewhere I can’t help but think whether we are reaching a tipping point in this mad dash to be like everyone else.

You can’t teach self esteem and great principles of relationships in a textbook. It must be an exercise of self- transformation that each individual must be willing to embark on. Great marriages and great relationships are built on trust and breathing space. There is an element of adventure and fun as well that makes life interesting. But, it’s a delicate balance and requires a great deal of effort and understanding.

So, there you have it. In relationships and in life, stop comparing yourself to the rest of the world. You are not here to run their race. You are here to run yours. We always hear these words, “Be kind to others”, and rarely talk about being kind to ourselves. Maybe, it’s time we made a slight adjustment there.

So wherever you are right now, reading this, whether at home on the couch or at work, I want you to always look for the possibilities in life. Rejection is a possibility, but what matters is how you handle it in order to become a better version of yourself. Many times we are tempted to blow things way out of proportion due to our incorrect perceptions, and sadly live to regret it. Spare yourself the pain. Life is too short, anyway. Robert Kiyosaki has summed it up beautifully, “The better you are at communicating, negotiating, and handling your fear of rejection, and the easier life is.” The next time you are rejected and you are tempted to throw in the towel remind yourself, “Failure is not Fatal. Keep walking. One step at a time.”

I am sharing with you step simple yet powerful tips that can help you to see beyond being rejected.  There is a possibility that you are actually doing something that acts as a trigger for someone to reject you, like being over-possessive or too clingy. The other possibility is the other person is responsible and not you.

How would you deal this situation?

This fear can be very extreme and pervasive. In Psychology we understand there are people who internalize all bad things that happens to them – They feel they are somehow responsible for what happen and they victimize themselves. They also externalize whatever happens good meaning they cannot take credit for anything good that happens.

This make a perfect recipe for Depression and perpetual hopelessness.

Tip 1:

Think of alternate explanations whenever things go wrong or not as you wished. This might be difficult in the starting as it is not your way of handling rejection. But eventually you will build that muscle and become an unconscious habit for you.

Tip2:

Challenge the idea itself. If someone rejects your suggestion, does it mean that you are being rejected? It can be relative and it can mean the suggestion or the proposal doesn’t fit in the scheme of things but you are not being rejected here.

Tip3:

In Emotional intelligence practice session, we understand we cannot shift from a high intensity unpleasant emotion to a high intensity pleasant emotion. It will always follow a path of of high intensity unpleasant emotion to low intensity unpleasant emotion to low intensity pleasant emotion to high intensity pleasant emotion.

So think of possibilities to navigate the emotions and help yourself by not being very critical about yourself.

For Coaching and NLP certifications Consultancies, Please use the below link
https://www.coachingloft.com/book-appointment/Course-info-session

 

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified trainer of NLP” and organizes John Grinder-approved training in India and the Middle East. He is one of the few ITA (International Training Academy) trainers in the world who are authorized to run New Code and Master Practitioner NLP Certifications in India and the Middle East. He has more than 1000 hours of coaching experience and is an ICF accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He is also certified and authorized to conduct Emotional intelligence Assessments by Six Seconds, international. He is a firm believer in high performance. He enjoys engaging in powerful conversations that lead to effective learning and results. Sajid empowers his clients to achieve their most significant potential and evolve into their personal best version through emotionally intelligent coaching.

He is presently pursuing his PhD in Alternative therapies and Integrative Medicines and completed studies in Islamic Psychotherapy from Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

He is also the Founder of Inner Peace Life Coaching Pvt. Ltd, India, which specializes in Coaching in variety of Modalities like NLP, EFT, EI and Energy coaching.

Beliefs That Limit Your Success

“Success is a process, not an event”, remarked Gary Halbert and in fact, that is a statement that perfectly summarizes what success ought to be. Success means different things to different people. Swami Vivekananda, one of the most influential people this world has ever known described success thus,

Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life, think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, and every part of your body be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success.

In other words, he talks about razor sharp precision and focus. The mind so driven and focused on the goal that everything else, all external distractions pale into insignificance. Almost every individual who has ever achieved anything worthwhile can attest to this fact. Recently, I was browsing through the news feed and I was instantly captivated by an article on Starbucks. They recently upgraded their marketing strategy, one that they had spent over forty years perfecting. Yes, you read that right. Forty is the number. And needless to say, their strategy is sheer brilliance. How do you define success? Is it something that is achieved just by chance or is it something that requires a more elaborate timeline, just like Starbucks.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. You might have heard this repeated often, or perhaps overheard this statement in conversations. But, is success so elusive? And what does it take to truly be successful? Before I delve into that, let me just pause for a moment and mention this all-important fact, “Success means different things to different people” and one must never make the mistake of judging someone’s success by the number of Instagram likes or Twitter followers. But I am getting beside the point here. Let’s take a look into all the blocks that deter success from manifesting in your life.

 

First and foremost, we have become tremendously self-critical. Nothing measures up or is good enough anymore. We torture and torment ourselves, constantly condemning our every move and action. We vehemently refuse to make changes in our belief system. And then shake our head in disbelief at the sorry state of affairs.

 

Secondly, we assume the worst. We read self help books and say, “I can and I will” but don’t believe a word we have said. The moment, life throws a curveball, we go right back and blame everyone from the president to our ancestors. We become experts at manifesting negative events. Not surprising considering we were expecting it in the first place!!

Thirdly, we have learnt the power of interpreting everything negatively. Any situation or person can spark a negative diatribe in our minds. We assume the worst and then worse still, punish people for committing grievous sins. Sadly, we never forgive and forget.

 

Fourthly, we limit ourselves at every turn. I am just not good enough. I can never be this successful. We feed our minds with negative self-talk day in and day out. We measure ourselves with the next person and stop ourselves from ever manifesting our own unique strengths.

 

And we need to probably take some time to introspect and question our belief system? Where did I get that feeling from? Was it my fault or was it just the circumstances? Can I make a change now? These are questions you need to ask yourself everyday. Yes, you read that right. Research has proved that individuals who dedicate time for reflection everyday are calmer and in a much better position to make right decisions at the right time.

Today, make a conscious decision to free your mind from self-limiting beliefs.

Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on your own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.

Your actions will be governed by your thoughts. Make your mind a powerhouse of positivity and you will be stunned at the results you see in your life.

This is by far one of the most powerful statements made by Arthur Schopenhauer. He writes, “Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.” Never let the limitations or insecurities of others limit what is possible for you. Let go of preconceived notions. Ask yourself, “Am I on the Right path and if not, what can I do to change the outcome? You have the power to pivot and achieve all that you have dreamed of.

Always remember, “Whether you think you can, or think you Can’t, YOU are right!!

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified trainer of NLP” and Founder of Inner Peace Life Coaching Pvt Ltd, India. He organizes Grinder-approved training in India and the Middle East. He is a firm believer in high performance. He enjoys engaging in powerful conversations that lead to effective learning and results. He conducts NLP Practitioner and New Code NLP training in India and the Middle East. He is one of the few ITA (International Training Academy) authorized to run New Code and Master Practitioner NLP Certifications in India and the Middle East. He is an ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He is also certified and authorized to conduct Emotional intelligence Assessments by Six Seconds. Sajid empowers his clients to achieve their most significant potential and evolve into their personal best version through emotional intelligence coaching.

 

IPLC Team

Being Healthy- A Conscious Decision

Florence Nightingale, better known as the lady with the lamp, defined health as “A state of being well and using every power the individual possesses to the fullest extent.

The word “health” was originally derived from the word “Health,” which means, “A state or condition of being sound or whole.” The old adage, “Health is wealth,” is true in every sense of the word. Health doesn’t confine itself to just the physical realm. Health is multifaceted and encompasses physical, psychological, intellectual, and social aspects. Here, we will not assess what constitutes good health and the parameters by which we define illness. We are sufficiently aware of that. We will look into a holistic perspective about health and, most importantly, how it ties or rather aligns with our day-to-day lives.

 

Stop reading for a moment and ponder over this Question…

Think about being healthy –

Do you have a mental picture?

Is it Still or a moving pic?

Look around you and name one thing that attracts your attention.

Now think of health –

Do you have a mental picture?

Is it Still or a moving pic?

 

Would it make a difference to have a Still or Moving Pics?

Those trained in NLP will agree with me and say yes, they make a difference.

Joseph O Corner, “A Static Pic is something that is arrested in time and space and may indicate something separate from you to be grasped in the future. While a moving pic may indicate something that you are living now.”

We live in the era of rapid medical advancements; things unheard of in previous generations have become commonplace and easily accessible. Cutting-edge medical treatments, state-of-the-art facilities, and discoveries being made every day is truly magical thing, and we should feel extremely privileged to be alive in such exciting times. An individual might be gifted with excellent health but might be ill in a different dimension.

Our results are governed by the thoughts and actions we take or do not take, collectively called our behaviors which are affected and triggered by our State. Our minds condition our State.

The State determines our thoughts, action, and consequently our results.

The State of health is quite different from illness in all its sub modalities. Health is a metabolic state. We continuously adjust our State to meet the challenges of our environment either spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Health is a synergetic relationship inside our cells, while the disease is parasitic.

The disease is a pathological condition, while illness is a subjective experience, a feeling that all is not well. We feel illness in our body, but it affects every part of our lives, work, relationships, and most importantly, how we think about ourselves.

We sometimes feel ill with no apparent reason. We may go to the doctor and find nothing wrong with us pathologically, even though our feeling of illness may seem very real to us.

Most illnesses are self-limiting; according to some statisticians, it is as high as 80%. You heal yourself regardless of medical intervention. Modern medicine tends to treat all illnesses as diseases. The disease may be considered a special case of illness where we would need professional help from outside.

I see and hear countless stories of individuals just upset and angry with life for no apparent reason. These are the same individuals who are effortless and fun and ambitious on the outside but feel as if they are “disintegrating” inside. And, most importantly, they are in excellent health. Most of these people are highly successful by the world’s standards and yet face a silent battle with depression. Some take their lives.

The immense pressure to perform, the maddening rush, and the complexity of everyday life were not meant to be tackled with anti-depressants and psychiatric discussions. I am in no way stating that these methods are not helpful. They might be, but for a season. Popping pills shouldn’t become a 365-day chore. And wellness cannot be gained at a spa retreat.

Perhaps, this generation believes in quick fixes and super surgeries that promise to fix “everything.” This heightened rush to be like everyone else, this obsession with beauty, this craving for anti-depressants, and yet all the while wallowing in self-pity. No wonder so many of us are dangerously ill, and worse still, don’t even know it. Health is a state of mind. A healthy body is the byproduct of a healthy mind. People were going on reckless “binge eating journeys” because they were angry. Others go on drinking sprees to suppress violent outbursts, while others become silent. Just silent. This has become the norm and is on the rise.

This past decade has been phenomenal. We have seen unprecedented growth, and the world is exploding at the seams with information. And yet, we see a subtle and fast rise in crime, a rapid increase in dysfunctional relationships, and crumbling lives. Why am I saying this? Primarily because any negative outward manifestation results from something festering deep inside. And disease doesn’t just disintegrate the body. A diseased mind can wreak unimaginable havoc as well. And thus, it gives rise to a vicious cycle.

One of my beloved authors, Mark Victor Hansen, says, “Focused mind power is one of the strongest forces on earth.”

And developing it is no mean feat. Focused mind power is the secret of good health and longevity. There are numerous examples of individuals who have beat cancer with sheer willpower. Lisa Ray is one such example. Her book, “Close to the bone,” is a beautifully written memoir of her battle with cancer and how she retained her spark and vigor for life despite it. Nick Vujicic is another excellent example of braving the odds despite a grim prognosis. You see, the disease can wreak havoc on your body, but your mind is in your control. You rule it, and you can alter the course of your life.

In Louise Hay’s Words, “You have the power to heal yourself, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we are not. We always have the power of our minds. Claim and consciously use your power.”

According to Isacc Jennings, “Disease is due to a deficiency of life forces.” The disease is the body’s attempt to cure itself. He further says the cause of an individual disease may be isolated to a given circumstance (e.g., bacteria). Still, the source of the problem begins in those activities that drain our body of the life force. The cause and source are not the same. A similar concept was introduced by Hippocrates,” Natural Forces within us are the true healers of disease.

Physician Andrew Weil, M.D Research associate in ethnopharmacology at Harvard University and author of Health and Healing, says, “Eternal, material objects are never causes of disease, merely agents waiting to cause specific symptoms in susceptible hosts. Rather than warring on disease agents with the hope of eliminating them, we ought to worry more about strengthening resistance to them and learning to live in balance with them most of the time”.

Someone has beautifully summarized this as, “The Cause of my pain is rarely the source.”

Most modern Medicines rely heavily on working around the cause, while alternative medicine ranging from eastern Chinese principles to Tibb-e-nabawi has focused on the natural and internal ability of the body to fight the source of the disease rather than just the cause of symptoms.

One of the most potent mechanisms promoting health and healing is found directly in mind. Our thoughts, emotions, mindset can be our strongest allies in mitigating the cause of the diseases and eliminating the source of diseases. The mind has been very effective in addressing various illnesses and has been agreed upon across the globe.

NLP interventions for Phobia, anxiety, depression, allergies, pain, etc., are notable examples of this fact.

 

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified trainer of NLP” and Founder of Inner Peace Life Coaching Pvt Ltd, India. He organizes Grinder-approved training in India and the Middle East. He is a firm believer in high performance. He enjoys engaging in powerful conversations that lead to effective learning and results. He conducts NLP Practitioner and New Code NLP training in India and the Middle East. He is one of the few ITA (International Training Academy) authorized to run New Code and Master Practitioner NLP Certifications in India and the Middle East. He is an ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He is also certified and authorized to conduct Emotional intelligence Assessments by Six Seconds. Sajid empowers his clients to achieve their most significant potential and evolve into their personal best version through emotional intelligence coaching.

 

IPLC Team

Using NLP to Rewire Your Patterns

The Creation of NLP in the 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder was possibly the most influential of inventions, whose impact I am sure couldn’t have been determined all those years ago. In today’s age, it is nothing short of cutting-edge. The founders of NLP claimed that there is a connection between neurological processes and behavioral patterns and, if applied correctly, can achieve certain specific targets.

I think the essence of NLP has been summarized beautifully by Dr. Joe Dispenza, author of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. “He says, Each time you make a new choice that is in alignment with your future, you are priming your brain to install the neurological hardware to think, act, and feel like the person you want to be in your future. If you keep firing and wiring those networks in your brain, the hardware eventually becomes the software program, and making choices that are in alignment with your future becomes more automatic.”

NLP is a compelling technique that is primarily based on the power of the mind. The mind is a powerful tool. It can limit us or empower us. But most people haven’t realized its power or choose comfortably to disregard it. I refer to it as a “fully loaded weapon.” Does NLP sound too good to be true? Well, It is. NLP practitioners use a bunch of techniques to reframe the subject’s overall perception. What is the result of all these psychological mind-numbing exercises, you might ask? Well, for starters, it alters your perspective. It makes you an empowered decision-maker, and good decisions are the bedrock of a successful life. From visualization to silencing the inner critic, NLP coaches use a ton of exercises to get an insight into the subject’s lifestyle and peculiar tastes.

One of the most popular methods that have been used successfully is running the movie backward. You go back in time, relive the experiences and imagine a better outcome. It’s conditioning the brain to look at that memory by changing its finer details (submodalities), and once you think about it positively, you might feel happier about the outcome. An excerpt from Bandler’s book, “How to take charge of your life,” mentions this line, “You can’t always control what happens, but you can always control how you decide to deal with it.” Goal setting is an excellent example. What if you didn’t have all the resources to succeed earlier in life? Should that stop you now?

Remember, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you choose to react to it.

I spoke earlier about the critical voice, and I think it warrants a detailed description. Many of us have experienced a nagging feeling that pops up at inopportune times with damaging statements like, “You are a failure. And who would possibly want to hire you?” Now, if you choose to feed that inner critic, you might as well prophecy over your life. And just for the record, Self-fulfilling prophecies work like a charm. You might want to replace that with something more positive and gradually build from there.

Now, let’s do a small exercise. This exercise is useful when you have negative emotions gaging you, and you want to empower yourself with more positive thoughts.

  1. Take an emotion. Let’s say you are feeling angry today. Imagine a square in front of you filled with that emotion. Notice its color, shape, size, and other details.
  2. Now, imagine yourself standing inside that colored square filled with feelings of anger. How do you feel? What are the thoughts that you are experiencing? What do you see and hear?
  3. Now, come out of that square and imagine another square at a different location, with an emotion you want to have when the earlier emotion is triggered. Again notice its color, shape, size, and other details.
  4. Enter this square and associate yourself with it fully. Notice the feelings you are experiencing when you are filled with this emotion. Enhance it and increase its intensity.
  5. Now go back to the first square and then re-enter the second square of empowerment. You will notice your state changing and the earlier emotion no longer able to limit you.

The technique is called Spatial Anchoring and a handy tool for change of state and how you feel. It takes getting used to the immediate difference. With repeated practice, it will yield feelings of positivity and calmness. A couple of other methods used successfully are disruptive reframing to increase perceived value and reflective practices.

What you believe is extremely powerful. If you believe you will be happy, you probably will. Likewise, if you believe the worst will happen, it likely will. This “placebo effect” is well documented in clinical trials. We accord too little emphasis on the power of the mind, unfortunately.

You will not be able to start the next chapter of your life if you don’t turn the pages over and keep re-reading the last one. Always remember, your focus determines your reality. The battle is always won inside your mind first. “The human brain is a complex organ with the power of enabling man to rationalize and continue to believe whatever it is that you want to believe.” And Voltaire was right on point when he said that.

You can share your issues here, and the Coach will write back to you with a crispy and straightforward suggestion. Or I may write the next blog on that issue.

Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified trainer of NLP” and Founder of Inner Peace Life Coaching Pvt Ltd, India. He organizes Grinder-approved training in India and the Middle East. He is a firm believer in high performance. He enjoys engaging in powerful conversations that lead to effective learning and results. He conducts NLP Practitioner and New Code NLP training in India and the Middle East. He is one of the few ITA (International Training Academy) authorized to run New Code and Master Practitioner NLP Certifications in India and the Middle East. He is an ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He is also certified and authorized to conduct Emotional intelligence Assessments by Six Seconds. Sajid empowers his clients to achieve their most significant potential and evolve into their personal best version through emotional intelligence coaching.

IPLC Team

You can inquire with coach using the below link.
https://www.coachingloft.com/cl/coachmesajid