Being in a loving relationship is perhaps the most rewarding and fulfilling life experience known to man. A loving relationship makes the World Come alive, bursting with color and song. It makes life beautiful. Statements like “Only you can give me that feeling” and “You are my Person” evoke a feeling of completion, akin to coming home.
But while all these feelings are valid and are a part of the human desire to belong, they are not the purpose of this discussion. We will be delving deep into the rudiments of co-dependency in relationships. So what is co-dependency? And is it a good thing? “Co-dependency has been defined as an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.” While a certain amount of reliance on a partner can foster rapport and synchronicity, it can also extinguish any breathing space. You might have heard statements like, “I need my space” or perhaps “Why can’t you do things alone just this once? These statements usually don’t originate out of the blue. They typically arise when there is an excessive reliance or control exercised by one individual over another. It is enough to drive a wedge between the two and sometimes sadly leads to separation.
They say Marriage or partnership makes you Complete. I beg to disagree. A partnership is the union of two complete individuals. You don’t enter a partnership to become Complete. Rather two secure individuals have the power to build something lasting. Why is this important, you might ask? For starters, this is where co-dependency originates, isn’t it? That burning insecurity, unresolved emotions, and hidden trauma all manifest in this brand-new relationship, leading to a host of other problems.
As one of the prominent psychologists pointed out, “One cannot expect a partner to operate as per one’s wishes and be the “Jack of All Trades, ‘” so to speak, or fix our character flaws. That’s not their job.”
Most individuals mistakenly assume that their job is done once they have declared their true feelings. One of the significant reasons Codependency occurs is because somewhere, humans tend to exercise control and have a say in determining the outcome. It is essential to understand the characteristics of Co-dependency. Without it, an individual could never hope to build a thriving relationship. And that’s what we are aiming for in this discussion.
So What exactly is a thriving relationship? What steps can be taken if you want to have an interdependent relationship? Someone once asked me, “I have lived in a codependent relationship for years. I am used to it. Can I make a change now?”
The Answer is YES. You can make a change wherever you are, and it’s never too late. Let’s take a look at some of the strategic steps you can take towards building a lasting marriage or a relationship:
Communicate and Communicate Often–There mustn’t be a plan as far as communication is concerned. It could be as simple as stating that you like your coffee made a certain way, or it could be an impromptu meeting that you would like.
Let me mention a key point here, “Codependence doesn’t imply repressing your individuality. It means having the freedom to express oneself and be authentic.
Prioritize Your Partner– They must be your number one Confidante in matters of importance. If your partner feels that their opinions matter, they will readily voice their deepest feelings. They will begin to honor the relationship, and your rapport will continue to soar.
Break Disagreements Fast– Make it a priority to redress grievances lovingly without sounding judgmental and harsh. Do Not bring up past offenses or misconduct. It will not defuse the situation. It will ignite it tenfold.
Aim for Collaboration– Strive to reach a solution without appearing condescending. It is not a war. Go Over plans and projects together and aim for the solution that benefits both of you.
No Third-Party– This is a Biggie. It is between you and your partner. When we decide to take outside counsel, generally from friends or peers, we jeopardize the relationship unnecessarily. It does not mean you should not approach a trained professional in counseling or coaching. Resolve to settle your differences amicably amongst yourselves.
Be Your Partner’s Biggest Cheerleader– Being accepted and loved wholeheartedly is a beautiful feeling. Be Someone that your partner can consider as their biggest asset.
Someone rightly said, “If You want to be treated like a King, You have to treat her like a Queen.”
Never Quit on Your Relationship– This might seem simplistic, but too many people throw in the towel all too soon.
Suppose you are following the Above. Excellent! If Not, this is a great place to start. Let this be the incentive you need towards building a thriving interdependent relationship.
Sajid Ahamed is a “Certified trainer of NLP” and organizes John Grinder-approved training in India and the Middle East. He is one of the few ITA (International Training Academy) trainers in the world who are authorized to run New Code and Master Practitioner NLP Certifications in India and the Middle East. He has more than 1000 hours of coaching experience and is an ICF accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He is also certified and authorized to conduct Emotional intelligence Assessments by Six Seconds, international. He is a firm believer in high performance. He enjoys engaging in powerful conversations that lead to effective learning and results. Sajid empowers his clients to achieve their most significant potential and evolve into their personal best version through emotionally intelligent coaching.
He is presently pursuing his PhD in Alternative therapies and Integrative Medicines and completed studies in Psychotherapy from Chicago School of Professional Psychology.
He is also the Founder of Inner Peace Life Coaching Pvt. Ltd, India, which specializes in Coaching in variety of Modalities like NLP, EFT, EI and Energy coaching.
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